


Duality

by marastriker



Category: Cats - Andrew Lloyd Webber, Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats - T. S. Eliot
Genre: Dark, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2020-08-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:40:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25538200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marastriker/pseuds/marastriker
Summary: A strange symbol in an old book has Mistoffelees losing control of his powers, and quite possibly himself. Maybe that book was thrown away for good reason.
Relationships: Mr. Mistoffelees & Rum Tum Tugger (Cats)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 20





	1. Awakening

Two o’clock in the morning. The crescent moon shone across the rubbish and baubles that littered the expanse of the junkyard that resided on the outskirts of London. The dumping ground looked a lot less impressive this time of year. There were no lights or decorations like there are during the Ball. Instead, it looked like a normal waste dump, full of trash and less than impressive old antiques that were thrown out long ago. While it wasn’t pretty, it provided a nice refuge for stray animals to shelter in.  
The brisk night air blew around any stray debris that littered the premises. It being mid-October, the air had begun to get colder as the days grew shorter and shorter. Days filled with the warmth of the sunlight, children playing in the schoolyards, and couples walking hand in hand in the parks were almost non-existent. 

It was a lot less noisy in the junkyard as well, in fact a little too quiet, as every other Jellicle cat was either home with their humans, slumbering in their dens, or out about the city.

Except Mistoffelees.

He was wide awake still, not having slept for the last three nights. Some grotesque feeling had been keeping him on high alert for what seemed like an endless amount of time. His eyes were bloodshot, nearly unblinking, and it was almost as if he had gone completely nonverbal, except for the occasional whimper or moan. The mere look on his face was enough to make anyone worried for his health, but he hadn’t seen another cat, or even a human, around this whole time. He knew something was wrong but didn’t have the energy to move more than ten feet at any given time, or even the voice to scream for any sort of help. The strange feeling wasn’t just present, it was draining. It would be a miracle if anyone were to even recognize him.  
He tossed and turned in the small cardboard box he sought refuge in for the night, but no position was comfortable, nor was he able to close his eyes for longer than ten seconds without jolting awake, his heart racing every time. 

This was no simple intuition; it was a presence of some sort. 

Every so often, he felt a bizarre surge of energy throughout his body, the glimmers of light shining through his fur, but not like it had before. Before, he had been able to voluntarily bring his magic to the surface of his being, changing his appearance at will, from the young, playful tomcat to the confident conjurer he wished he could always be. But now, his appearance changed at random, the once euphoric feeling of magic flowing through him now made him feel sick to his stomach. He couldn’t eat anything without throwing it back up, his body rejecting any sustenance he attempted to offer it. 

The left side of his head ached, as if a flash of lighting were striking his brain every minute. The funny thing is, cats had this uncanny ability to hide any sort of pain they might be feeling, but Mistoffelees had reached his breaking point. With not a soul in sight for the last three days, he thought this is how he would eventually die. With this affliction, this torment he didn’t know how to explain. He had never truly understood how to harness the powers he possessed but felt like he was making progress on understanding the true nature of it. The Rum Tum Tugger, probably his closest friend in the tribe, had been helping him. Being there with him every night, trying out new spells, studying, practicing. Tugger didn’t offer much other than moral support but that’s exactly what Mistoffelees needed. 

Until he came across a symbol in an old book he found tossed away in the junkyard. Maybe it was tossed away for a good reason.

It was now nearing three o’clock. 

The only thing Mistoffelees could focus on was the past. The good moments. Becoming a Jellicle when he was just a kitten. The pure luck that must have been bestowed upon him to find somewhere that accepted him. Bringing back Old Deuteronomy. The showers of praises he received. The rush of joy he felt after pulling off that trick. How he was proud of himself for the first time in his life. The exploration of what else his powers was capable of. The long nights of studying and practicing, all with Tugger there to cheer him on as usual. 

His first kiss. 

Their first kiss. 

Tugger and Mistoffelees had been hanging out nearly every night the past week, entertaining themselves with all the new tricks Mistoffelees had learned how to do. One night, he had managed to manipulate the light from the sunset into a show of fireworks.  
Tugger was beyond impressed. He had always taken a strong liking to Mistoffelees’ magic but hadn’t seen anything as beautiful as the lights currently illuminating the sky. 

He looked down at his friend, who was smiling the most gorgeous and genuine smile. And it was true, Mistoffelees felt even more accomplished that he did at the Ball. Tugger couldn’t help but admire the sparkling light glimmering through the tuxedo cat’s fur. Oh, but his eyes. He couldn’t resist Mistoffelees’ differently colored eyes. One a striking violet, and one as bright as the sun. 

They were so full of joy. 

Mistoffelees, being proud of himself, looked up to Tugger with a ‘I knew I could do it’ face, sardonic and cocky. Two traits you wouldn’t ever normally attribute to him. Tugger lost control over his actions. He knew what he wanted, and he was going to seize this opportunity. 

In the heat of the moment, he kissed Mistoffelees; a quick, but passionate kiss on the lips.

Time froze for just a split second.

Tugger abruptly pulled away, his brain finally processing what just happened. 

The two carried on with the rest of their night, never mentioning it again. 

Where was Tugger when Mistoffelees needed him most? Was it a fluke? Was he just at his everyday playboy games? Was Mistoffelees just another catch for Tugger to brag about later?  
Every paranoid thought about the swaggering tom crossed his mind all at once. Maybe Tugger didn’t actually care about him as much as he thought. 

Three o’clock. 

For a moment, there was relief. The headache subsided, there was no strange feeling or presence lurking beneath his skin, and Mistoffelees felt like he actually might be able to fall asleep if he just closed his eyes for more than ten seconds. Maybe he would be able to decipher this mess after a good night’s sleep. 

Until the eleventh second ticked by.

Mistoffelees’ appearance altered once more, this time with severe wrath, with frightening ferocity. The glimmering sparkles morphed into rays of light, attempting to escape his physical body, singing his fur. The pain in his head intensified, nearly ten times worse than before, nearly making him go blind in his left eye. A scream escaped his lips before he blacked out from the sheer agony.


	2. Conversation

Through bleary eyes, Mistoffelees could see a mass of brown fur and two worried, coffee-colored eyes looking down at him. It wasn’t much of a glance, but he knew exactly who it was that found him. Mistoffelees felt safe phasing out of reality again, knowing that at least Tugger had shown up at just the right time. 

Mistoffelees found himself sitting upright in a warm den, against old blankets and pillows that had a familiar smell. He looked down at himself. His fur was normally patterned. No singes. No glimmers. 

He saw Rum Tum Tugger rummaging for something in the corner.

“H-hey.” Mistoffelees choked out weakly. 

“Oh, thank Everlasting you’re awake!” Tugger rushed over to him with some food scraps. “You must be starving.”

“How did you…” Mistoffelees was trying to find the right words in his muddled brain. 

“You screamed.”

Mistoffelees was silent. 

“You better eat something” Tugger said, handing Mistoffelees some shreds of tuna. 

For the first time in the seventy-two hours of utter turmoil, the food went down normally. Mistoffelees didn’t even think to savor the flavor, he just needed something in his empty stomach. He sighed with relief, giving himself the satisfaction of breathing deeply for once.

“Thank you.”

They both sat in silence as Mistoffelees finished off the tuna. 

Tugger looked concerned, an emotion Mistoffelees hadn’t known he was sincerely capable of. He must have seen Mistoffelees looking at him queerly, because he promptly said, “Are you okay, Misto? You looked like hell when I found you.”  
Mistoffelees’ eyes widened. Was it worth explaining?

“Oh, yeah, I just…”

“Don’t lie to me” Tugger warned, almost scornfully. 

Mistoffelees went silent once more. Tugger could always tell when he was trying to hide something. 

“What happened?”

“I don’t know.”

“When I found you, it looked like the life had been drained out of you.”

“Yeah, it was a wild three days…” Mistoffelees joked, trying to break the tension.

It didn’t work.

“Three…days?” Tugger looked almost angry, even raising his voice. “Why didn’t you try to find someone?!”

“I don’t know.” Mistoffelees said quietly. “Why didn’t you try to find me?” he continued, thinking back on his paranoid thoughts from the night before.

Tugger looked shocked. “I just figured you liked to be alone. You always were a bit of a recluse. Besides, we had just spent a while together practicing and all that…”

Mistoffelees cut him off. “You think I’m a recluse?”

“I didn’t mean it in a bad way.”

“Well then how did you mean it?”

Silence. 

Tugger fetched Mistoffelees an old mug filled with water. 

He attempted to backtrack. “So, you don’t know what happened to you?” Tugger inquired, gentler this time. 

“It’s…. complicated.” Mistoffelees said, clutching the mug close to his chest, trying to not look the other tom in the eyes. 

“I have time.”

Mistoffelees recalled the erratic feeling that had taken hold of him after he had found that old book. There was a bizarre symbol amongst pages of foreign script, something he had never seen before. The symbol seemed to stand out amongst the dull colors of the rest of the volume, it’s gold sheen seemed embellished compared to the rest of the book. 

Something about it was unusual, curious even, but off putting. It emitted a power that was tempting, but malevolent. 

Mistoffelees hadn’t felt the same way since.

“It’s as if I have absolutely no control over my powers anymore…” he continued, sipping at the water every now and then. 

He didn’t want to go into detail about what really terrified him about this whole endeavor. The presence inside of him. The one that attempted to escape. Had it always been there?

By the look on Mistoffelees’ face, Tugger could tell something was bothering him but didn’t push any further. 

“You never really answered my question, Tug.” Mistoffelees added, trying to shake away the thoughts that racked his mind. “Why didn’t you try to find me? We’d been hanging out almost every night…”

“I guess I just felt weird after…you know.” Tugger wouldn’t dare admit to himself that he enjoyed the kiss that they shared. 

“Oh.” Mistoffelees’ mind went insane with thoughts he couldn’t actually express. You felt weird? You initiated it! What do you mean you felt weird?

His appearance changed again, but only for a split second. Shimmering light burst through his fur and disappeared as quickly as it presented itself. 

“Woah.” Tugger hadn’t seen that happen to Mistoffelees before. “We gotta figure out what’s going on.”


	3. Stirring

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short chapter; blame my writer's block. I'm getting to the interesting stuff, I promise haha.

Somehow, being in a warm den with Tugger helped Mistoffelees get some real sleep. He didn’t wake up until late afternoon the following day. Thankfully, Tugger was still there, albeit across the room. 

Mistoffelees would have rather been in his arms. 

“Hey sleepyhead!” Tugger sang, scurrying toward Misto, some more food and water in tow. 

This is what confused him about Tugger. Tugger would drop everything in an instant to help him, feed him, take care of him, do whatever was necessary to keep him comfortable. But as soon as a touch of intimacy got involved, Tugger distanced himself. 

No, Mistoffelees wasn’t a catch. They were definitely friends. He could tell Tugger cared about him, but not in the way he had hoped.

He munched on the small block of cheese Tugger handed him, choosing to stay silent. 

“What, no thank you?” Tugger teased, lightly punching Misto on the arm. When Misto continued to stay quiet, Tugger got a little more serious.

“You want to show me that book that you said caused this?”

Mistoffelees’ entire body immediately tensed. Beams of light struck like lightning across his chest. His eyes flashed a sickly yellow hue and he could feel his mind beginning to buzz with a million different thoughts. He couldn’t bring himself speak. 

So, he vigorously shook his head. No, no, absolutely not.

“Woah, woah, okay.” Tugger didn’t realize that the mere mention of the book could cause Mistoffelees to go inexplicably feral. “Maybe if you just tell me where it is...?”

Misto sighed, shaking off the fear that had just seized him. “What exactly could you do about it?” Mistoffelees didn’t have much faith that Tugger could resolve this whole situation by himself. 

“At the very least I can ask around. Let me at least try to help.” 

Tugger looked like he was begging.

Mistoffelees relented. He told Tugger where the book was hidden.


	4. Methodical

“Alright now, if I were a creepy old book, where would I be…” Tugger said to himself as he was having trouble locating the exact hiding place of the dusty old volume. Mistoffelees said it was supposed to be here. What gives?

Crash! 

There was a slew of garbage that had fallen directly behind him, causing Tugger to flinch as he was almost hit by a half broken suitcase. 

“Oh, thank the Everlasting Cat, it’s just garbage.” He sighed in relief. But…wait a minute. What was that?

Beneath the garbage pile there was a thick, rectangular object wrapped in several different bags, all of varying color and texture. Tugger recognized them as belonging to his friend and immediately unraveled them all, unearthing a large, leather bound, dusty volume with no title on the front of it. Looked boring.

“There’s the sucker!” He held the hefty book in both of his hands. Man, how does Misto manage these heavy fuckers? They’re basically half his size. 

No matter though, he located the book! Step one in mission: help his best friend complete. Onto step two. 

Now was the task of finding out exactly what in this book threw his friend off. Tugger knew Misto had said he couldn’t remember what page it was on, but that all of the script became unrecognizable at a certain point.   
“Welp. Might as well find someone who can actually decipher this.” Tugger didn’t really have a plan, he was never one to really think about what he was doing. He just knew that he always could get the job done, and that’s what mattered. He figured family was the best way to go for now, so he sought out Munkustrap.

Luckily, Tugger knew exactly where his brother was this time of year. Munk’s family were huge Halloween junkies and had special events that they would do every day of October. The Jellicles never understood a human holiday as well as Munkustrap understood Halloween. The kittens would always ask him what Halloween plans his family had this year, every single time, to Munkustrap’s chagrin. 

It took a while for Tugger to walk down to Munk’s house, especially with the book in tow, but he knew he was in the right place when he saw giant inflatable ghosts and spider webs decked out on a particular front lawn. 

And there was Munkustrap, sitting in the window. 

Dressed as a taco. 

Tugger almost lost his shit. 

Munkustrap’s eyes widened to the size of saucers. What the hell was his stupid brother doing all the way over here?! Munk solemnly made his way over to the cat door. 

“What do you want?” He deadpanned, obviously annoyed at Tugger’s presence, but caught the sight of the large book that Tugger had carried all the way over to his house. What is that? He thought. 

“Whoa, chill bro. Wanna tacobout it?” Tugger was turning red from holding in his laughter. 

Munkustrap was about to turn around and leave before Tugger reached out to stop him. “No, no seriously. I actually have a real problem. Well. I mean. Mistoffelees does.”

Munk’s ears perked at that. “Mistoffelees? Where has he even been? I haven’t seen him since the Ball.” Munk seemed a bit resentful that Mistoffelees seemed to just drop off the face of the Earth so quickly after his most praised feat to date. 

Tugger recounted exactly what had been happening since the last Ball, albeit in the most roundabout way possible. There’s really not much use in asking Tugger a basic question, it’ll take too long to get an actual answer. 

“Well, see that’s the thing. He’s been practicing ever since that night. Trying to figure out what else he can do, all that fun magical stuff. I’ve been helping him! Kind of. I’m really just there as decoration. But, like, he says it’s cool and it helps to have me there cheering him on, he’s really cool like that.” Tugger seemed to be almost beaming until he remembered what had went wrong. 

“Get to the point, please?” Munkustrap almost whined.

“Oh. Right. So, there’s this book.” Tugger said, heaving the monstrosity in front of himself. Munkustrap winced at the thunk it made on the ground.

“Something inside this book caused Misto to….uhhh….” Tugger didn’t exactly know how to word what had happened to his friend. 

“I think I’m the wrong person to go for this, Tug.” Munkustrap said slowly, a bit of fear crossing his face. 

“Please? No one takes me seriously, but you…anyone will listen to what you have to say.” 

Munk was surprised at how genuine that sounded. Very unlike his brother. This must be something serious then. 

“Okay, I’ll meet you at your den in an hour.”

~.~.~.~

Mistoffelees sat waiting anxiously in Tugger’s den. He opted to not have to ever lay eyes on that book again but being alone was its own torment. He was hungry still, craving some more of that tuna he had been gifted the previous day. Unfortunately, there was no trace of food or drink in the den and venturing out to find some would undoubtedly end in trouble. At least in Mistoffelees’ mind. He paced back and forth across the space unnervingly, secretly terrified of being stuck in one place for too long either. At the very least he was in a safer place now. He told himself to calm down so many times, it became a mantra.

It had been nearly an hour and Mistoffelees was wondering what Tugger was doing with that dreaded book. Who was he going to consult? Coricopat and Tantomile might be able to help, but neither of them were too terribly fond of Tugger. Maybe he had gone to his brother? Munkustrap would be an ideal authority to deal with on serious matters like this. The question was just where to find anyone this time of year. 

Misto got tired of pacing and allowed himself to sit down. Meditate, maybe. Yes, that always helped. He began humming an unknown tune to himself, an old song that he couldn’t remember the lyrics to, but knows he heard before. The obstacle now was to clear his mind. Which proved to be rather difficult. 

It got to a point where he couldn’t even focus on the song, millions of intrusive thoughts bolting across his mind all at once. 

What if he doesn’t come back?  
What if you’re stuck here?  
Go outside, you coward!  
Get some food!  
Or are you afraid of the outdoors now?  
Do you need your mommy to help you?  
Oh wait, she’s dead isn’t she?  
No one’s going to really help you.  
In fact, no one actually likes you.   
Who would anyway?

Mistoffelees smacked himself in the face. 

OF COURSE, the other cats liked Mistoffelees! He saved the tribe by bringing back their leader! There’s no way anybody could have hated him. He scolded himself for letting a bunch of silly anxious thoughts get in the way of reality. 

He sat back down to meditate once more, flushing all the negative thoughts from his brain. Not even just negative. Silly! Absolutely ridiculous! He must have been crazy to think that the Jellicles were anything but elated and appreciative. 

Well, they could hate you for never showing your face after the Ball.

That thought was incredibly loud. Incredibly…distinctive. 

Like it wasn’t his own. 

Wasn’t the Ball just last week though? It was fairly normal to not see anyone else around for around a week. That couldn’t be the issue.

It’s been two months, actually. Mistoffelees heard a clearly different voice in his head. That was…not normal.

“I’m sorry, what?” He asked, out loud. 

There wasn’t an answer. Was he just talking to himself? That must have been just another thought, right? 

If anyone were around, they probably would have assumed he’d gone insane. 

“Stupid book, stupid seal, why did I have to find it….” He muttered angrily to himself. That symbol had set something off, and he wasn’t going to just sit around and wait for it to get worse. 

He had to find out where Tugger had gone.


End file.
